Published: March 2020
This is a story about a middle-aged woman who recently got divorced and thought she was open to companionship. She was very apprehensive about opening her heart again after being hurt badly by her ex-husband. To her surprise, she met someone on Match.com that seemed like the man of her dreams. They had so much in common and really enjoyed each other's company. He managed to convince her to be open to the possibility of falling in love again.
She ended up giving this man her heart only to find out that he wasn't the man of her dreams at all. He wasn't like her ex-husband but he had just as many issues. She found it difficult to be the woman that he needed her to be while not compromising her integrity and moral standards.
This story is told totally from her point of view. She is finally able to tell the love of her life everything that she wanted to say throughout their relationship. She is able to express her perspective on all the events that were occurring in their lives without feeling like she is being ungrateful for the good times but imagining the bad times.
She will take you through five years of her relationship. Will she figure out that she deserves so much better than how she was being treated? Or, will she talk herself into saving this relationship and giving her one true love another chance?
We met on Match.com about a month after a short friendship with someone I met on ChristianMingle.com. Although, that situation didn’t end well, I thought I would give online dating one more try and boy was I glad I did. I met you. I was on Match.com one day and I noticed that you looked at my profile. I decided to say hi to you through the Match.com app. I was pretty shy about reaching out to guys that I didn’t know, but what did I have to lose? The only thing that could happen was that you didn’t say hi back. To my surprise you sent me a reply and it wasn’t just hi. We began to talk and things got interesting pretty quickly.
Initially, I didn’t know how things would end up because you very blunt and to the point and I really wasn’t used to that. I would ask you how your day was and you would respond, “It sucked.” I thought to myself, this guy has a bleak outlook on life, but then one day when we were chatting online about your job, you made me laugh. I said to myself, maybe he’s not so bad after all. You actually had a sense of humor.
We talked frequently via the Match.com app for about 3 weeks. We talked about how many children we had and their ages. Between the two of us, we had 4 boys. You also told me that you had a daughter, that you raised, but she wasn’t biologically yours. I really found that honorable. You told me that your children lived with you, but it wasn’t because their mother passed away. This also impressed me. It definitely wasn’t as common for the man to have full custody of his children. You asked me about my ex-husband and if he was involved in my children’s life. At the time he wasn’t and you were very upset by that. You just couldn’t understand why he wasn’t an active participant in the children’s life. I had some of the same thoughts, so this was a sensitive subject for me.
One day we were chatting on the Match.com app and you told me that you had many more stories to tell me about work and the horrors of online dating, but they would be easier to tell me over the phone. I figured that was your way of hinting that you wanted my phone number, so I finally gave it to you. I remember the first time you texted me, I responded and then asked who I was talking to. You responded, “It’s Thomas. Didn’t your mama teach you not to talk to strangers.” That made me laugh. I liked that you made me laugh. We progressed from texting to talking on the phone, but it took about a week. During our first call, you explained why you took so long to call me. You told me that you had been sick and you didn’t want me to hear your voice like that. Our very first conversation lasted for over 2 hours.
You told me so many stories about the horrific experiences you had with online dating. They were so funny but disturbing at the same time. It was a good thing I met you before hearing those type of stories because your stories made me question the process of online dating. I asked you why you opted for online dating. You were a very handsome and intelligent guy. You had a successful career as an Engineer at a great company. You could probably get any girl you wanted. You told me it was because you didn’t hang out at the typical places that would allow you to meet someone and there was definitely nobody at your job who you be interested in dating.
It was amazing to me that I felt so comfortable with you right away, which was unusual for me. It was like we knew each other forever. After that first conversation, we talked on the phone almost every night for hours about various topics. We talked about everything from work, politics, pop culture, music, relationships and so many other things, including what we expected from our significant other in a relationship. During one of our conversations, you told me that you didn’t believe in traditional roles between a man and woman in a relationship. You explained that you were looking for a partner and wasn’t planning on supporting anyone, anymore, after taking care of your ex-fiancée. We discussed how you expected for whomever you were dating to help pay for the dates. This would have normally been a turn off for me, but I actually understood what you were saying. In my marriage, I was the one paying for everything, all of the time, so I didn’t mind contributing and helping to pay for our dates. You told me that you didn’t mind paying for the first date but after that you would expect for me to pay for the second date. You even told me a story about a girl you went out with and how she acted like she didn’t have money to pay for a second date that you were on and how you refused to pay. The story was kind of funny, but I was horrified at the same time.
You told me that one of your biggest flaws was your temper. You explained to me that you didn’t give people too many chances and that your first impression of a person was usually a lasting one for you. You were very honest and told me that you were a stubborn person and you had no intentions of changing who you were. You stated that either I liked you for who you were or I didn’t. I appreciated the fact that you were honest and upfront about who you were. I learned from my marriage that you can’t change people. They are who they are, so I had no intentions of trying to change you. I felt if I couldn’t handle who you were, I would just end the relationship.
We were just talking on the phone for a little over 2 months when one night during our conversation, you asked me if we were ever going to go out on a date. We were taking things quite slow, but I thought it was nice that we were taking the time to get to know each other before our first date. The truth is, I was actually waiting for you to ask me on a date because I wanted to make sure you wanted to meet me like I wanted to meet you. I was afraid of rejection, so there was no way, I was going to initiate that first date. You asked me for a date that night and I definitely said yes. I couldn’t wait to see if we had the same connection that we had over the phone, once we met in person.
We were so excited about our first date that we talked about it every day on the phone up until the actual day of the date. You kept changing your mind about the plans for that night. You asked me multiple questions about what I was going to wear, while you were trying to determine what you were going to be wearing. I had my outfit ready as soon as you asked me to officially go out on a date however, I didn’t plan on telling you about what I was going to wear. I just wanted you to see me in it. I expressed to you that I was nervous about meeting you because I was the total opposite of the girls you were normally attracted to. I was short, brown skinned, independent and very opinionated. You explained to me that you weren’t worried about the fact that I was different from the girls you normally dated and that my differences were a good thing. You never dated anyone who had a Master’s degree, owned their own home and was career driven. You said you were looking forward to being with someone who had those qualities.
Our first date ended up being pretty low key. We went to Buffalo Wild Wings, where we intended to watch the UFC fight. I got there about 20 minutes early because I was so nervous and I didn’t want to be late. I remember sitting there waiting for you to walk through that door. When you came in you looked at me and smiled. I was relieved, because you looked just like your picture. I went to shake your hand and you pulled me in for a hug. That surprised me since we really didn’t know each other, but I didn’t mind it. I had on a green and black asymmetrical skirt with a black body shirt and a camouflage jacket that matched the skirt, with some black boots. I thought I was looking pretty good. I hoped you liked my outfit because I did. You were wearing a tan Nautica sweater with some dark khaki pants and black shoes. You were also wearing your glasses. In your online pictures you were wearing contacts, but I liked glasses on you. I remember thinking that you looked very nice.
I was so relieved that you were so friendly, especially with us meeting for the first time. We were seated and the conversation flowed as smoothly as it did when we talked on the phone. I felt absolutely comfortable with you. The restaurant was playing country music on the radio and I started to sing the song. You made a face and I asked you what was wrong. You told me how you didn’t like country music because of a bad experience you had as teenager working at a barbecue joint in North Carolina. You told me about the racism you encountered at that restaurant and how that turned you against country music.
When our waiter came over to take our order he was very rude. I must have given him the “look”, because when he walked a way you told me to behave myself. I didn’t realize that you caught my reaction until you mentioned it, so I began to laugh. You would quickly learn that I could keep my opinions to myself, but I definitely couldn’t control my facial expressions most of the time.
During dinner, I mentioned how my oldest son wanted a dog. This was a subject matter that you were well versed in so we spent a large part of the date, googling dogs on your phone. You were determined to help me pick a suitable dog for my son that would also serve as protection. After the UFC fight was uneventful, you asked me if I wanted to go to the movies. I don’t know what got into me, but I was following you to your car. You said, “You’re going to get in the car with a stranger?” I said no and started to laugh again. I was so embarrassed as I walked to my car. I normally wouldn’t have even considered doing something like that, but I was just so comfortable around you. It felt like I had known you all of my life.
We traveled to the movies in separate cars. I followed you in my car, because I didn’t know the way to the movie theatre that we were going to. We ended up seeing the Jennifer Lopez movie, “The Boy Next Door.” The movie wasn’t that great but the overall night seemed like a good first date. We enjoyed each other’s company and laughed a lot. You paid for the entire first date, however I was prepared to pay for the movies, especially since you told me how you felt about paying for everything. The next day, you texted me and told me that you had a good time. Although you said you had a good time on our date, I was unsure about whether you would ask me out on a second date. During that week, you asked me out again. We made plans to meet at Dave & Buster’s for our next date.
About the Author
Latesha Kellam is an author who takes her life experiences and puts them into words that will inspire others. She wrote her first story at the age of 14, about the events surrounding the unexpected death of her father. During the current phase of her life, she has the desire to not only write inspiring books but to help people, especially woman, recognize when they are in dysfunctional relationships. She lives by the old adage, experience is the best teacher, therefore she takes events from her own life to inspire her writing.